A Reminiscence

 I am, on paper, at the prime of my life. I am twenty three. I am out of college – in fact, I  have nearly finished enough work to get a Master’s degree at an age when many people don’t have a Bachelor’s. I have the world ready and laid out to be conquered. I have an entire life ahead of me, to prosper, to enjoy, to conquer its peaks one by one, to make a good life after all the hard work of school with little to worry about. I have no financial obligations to meet other than to satisfy my own animal instincts of hunger, thirst, shelter. My parents are blessed enough that they do not need my money, nor do my siblings.  Things could be better but things are going great.  I have a great set of friends I love to hang out with. I have the best restaurants to dine at nearby, I am going to get my own car after I start getting paychecks, soon. What would I have to complain about?

On Eid day recently, I had the honor of being invited by a female acquaintance’s family to their home along with a few other friends. Few friends have introduced me to their families, so this was an exception. I knew her from the MSA, but had barely ever spoken to her – in fact, I had ignored her for months if not for a couple of years but had more recently interacted with her enough to get the invite.  It was a happy occasion but I cried or struggled to not cry later that day. Like a true gentleman, I never let anyone know of my turmoil. Hers was an amazing, lovely, happy family which looked cute together. I was missing my own. My family all together, happy and frolicking around , just like that.

I had selfishly moved away from my parents seven years back for my career. I saw my past years flash before me. I wasn’t really jealous here, or may be I was. But I wanted the same.  I missed being in my mother’s arms, I missed the hug from my father. The kiss on the forehead from my mother. Resting my head on my mother’s leg.  My father’s insatiable love for me  and the now unbelievable desire for me to succeed. My loving sisters, my brother who I fought with at times, but for whom I  prayed and wanted to succeed. We all made a pretty, lovely, happy family. Our sibling rivalries looked cute. The thought that those days are never going to come back brought a gulp in my throat then and tears in my eyes now. We went out every weekend, we had our family games of carrom and chess, snakes and ladders and a few other board games. We loved arguing what to order at the restaurant for our weekly dine-out. We loved shouting when our mother cheated by picking up coins from the Carrom board without pocketing them in with a striker.

We’ve all grown up. My sisters are married, and are away with their own new lives and kids. My parents are old and I am not with them.  My brother is busy and has a life of his own away from all of us. They miss me and I miss them.  I forget them all too often as I get engrossed with my life, but I know they do not forget me at what are supposed to be their happiest of times. I cried when my mother asked me to be with her on Eid.

I have given up so much for the time here that every moment that I am away from them is precious as diamonds that I have to try to extract the best out of. What I have achieved in the seven months since the last time I saw them does not seem to match up to that.

All I can think of right now, and pray for, is for all of us to be united in the eternal paradise, and live happily together, forever and ever. An eternal life of bliss and happiness celebrated together.  Bring on the monopoly with two dices, please!

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5 thoughts on “A Reminiscence

  1. As salamu alaykum,

    Growing up, ….living the now,….. there is a difficult situation lived by everyone that leaves their homeland, the Heart is between where we are and our memories(loved ones, places, smells, colours, food,…), no way to scape this feeling. I can see your tears from two perspectives, one the sadness of not being with your loved ones, second the joy of having people that brought to your consciousness your most loving memories and your most loved people in this world. Now, you know what it is important, the diamonds are produced by the energy of your Heart, your wealth is the unconditional love and respect you feel and you know they feel for you, Alhamdulillah.

    To be able to live the Present, to be here and now is a huge blessing, but a huge blessing it is too to have loving memories and people that would give their life for us or would be for us unconditionally, then Alhamdulillah, you are a blessed, healthy, young man begining a new journey. I wish you all the best in this new stage in life, your present is building up your future, the same than your past built up your present, be conscious of this and honor yourself, your family and Allah(swt) being your best as you have done until now, masha´Allah, I feel very proud of you as you were my own son.

    May Allah(swt) bless you, your loved ones and all of us that have the blessing of having you in our live. Ameen.
    Wasalam,
    María

    • WaAlaikumSalam,
      Thank you so much for your prayers, wishes and advise, I really appreciate it. The beautiful past and the promising present are indeed great blessings from Allah, and I am ever thankful for it. I look forward to embarking upon the coming journey with the help of du’as and good wishes from well-wishers like you. I hope to bring honor to me and my family by working hard and achieving highly.
      As for my tears from the two perspectives you mentioned, I have them from the unconditional love that people in my life shower upon me despite me not being with them.
      Thanks again for your message, it was helpful.

  2. Oh, this piece made my heart hurt a little. It’s hard sometimes to be away from family, especially as time moves on and the dynamic shifts and changes. It requires more effort to keep in touch and share special moments. We have to be present and aware of the time that we’re afforded and it isn’t as effortless as it used to be.

    But that’s the movement of life, tragic in some ways, wonderful in others. But I think that’s the beauty in it, it is so imperfect that it makes us feel something, always.

    I wish I had some advice for you…. but all I can say is, enjoy and treasure the moments that you do have. Just because it’s all changed, doesn’t mean it’s any less magical! :)

    • The present times are great, as you said,magical even. You put it beautifully – it’s tragic in some ways and wonderful in others. It’s true I miss my childhood and my past, it’s different now, but it’s going to be different again in the future and I would then miss what is now my present. I need to realize that time cannot be frozen and things can never be the same forever. Got to live and enjoy the present! Thanks for helping me with this!

  3. Pingback: Uncollecting Things | Daily Anarchy | Beyond the Horizon

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