It was almost as if it was just a couple of days back that I went to Washington,DC to see the cherry blossom parade, but, yes, checking the calendar again, it has been as many as eight days since then – time seems to be flying by astonishingly fast. I did speak about my stress with the time that is fleeting away in my previous post, with the years adding up to my age.
I do feel stressed that I am no longer that teen, or the guy who just crossed his teens. Marriage apparently is suddenly no longer so very distant as before, but I still try to dismiss it as a distant thing to happen. But the fact that a lot of people I talk to, raise the topic which makes my heart beat rapidly.
Why, my mother revealed she even tried to talk to someone looking for a suitable girl – they want me married as soon as I graduate (!, unbelievable,and I’m so young and immature) ; My cousin I speak to always asks me to get engaged soon and get married soon after I graduate and get a job .
No, I don’t want all this to happen, I don’t want to get stuck in the time warp. I want to remain the young guy with no responsibilities. The guy who was the center of attraction, importance of his life and of his parents. Who is on a constant effort to look after himself and improve himself by education for the future. But I don’t want that future to come. That time, when I will be the one who stops growing and someone else, perhaps the coming progeny are his center of importance. I can almost see my father being in my position decades back, and it breaks my heart I will have to go through the same cycle – of fantasy, excitement, the good news, the screams of the child, the school you drop them to, the university you send them to, the heartbreak of staying away, the old age. I just want to break free from this vicious cycle. I’d rather not marry at all, but I realize this cycle is the law of nature and there is little I can do about it but to focus on the next life that is never going to end, to try to get into paradise with the Almighty’s mercy.
After a busy week with two assignments completed and submitted a few minutes/seconds before the deadline, and an exam that didn’t go as bad as I would have expected it to, it was a relief to have my cousin and her family drive up to where I live, and I enjoyed the outing we had along the water and skyscrapers around us. And then again, for the umpteenth time was the topic of my marriage talked about. A nice heavy dinner at an Indian restaurant at the end of the day left me in really high spirits for the rest of the week despite the fact that I had to postpone a meal I was supposed to have with an American student I am working with as a cultural informant to the next afternoon. Having that activity done the next day helped relieve the guilt of me screwing up others’ plans at the last moment. And of course, I got to have a really good American lunch. And finally, got some work done on the weekend too which were usually spent with nothing done in the past many weekends.
The next weekly update set for the 2nd of April :).